Lets do this!!

Hello world!  Wow, so it's been a....while. Lol March of 2014 was my last post?!?  Can that be right?!?  INsane.  It really is true that the older you get, the faster time flies by. I've fallen off the wagon and started over many, many times since my last post. Every time seeming to lose a little bit more confidence in myself and whether I could ever get back to where I was, much less ever really hit my 100 lb weight loss goal.  You start to just ....doubt yourself and wonder if that person that lost 70lbs and was doing Crossfit (albeit, slowly lol) was all a dream.  You start to wonder if at 36, or 37, maybe you're just meant to be morbidly obese.  That it's just not in you to do it anymore. You start to wonder if you should consider surgery and all of the risks and side effects that go along with it.   It's a very low place to be.  Don't get me wrong.  I wasn't depressed or anything.  Just very sad every time I had to look in a mirror, put on clothes, take off clothes, buy clothes, sit in a small chair, run out of breath going up and down my stairs, move my husbands hand off my fat rolls, tie my shoes, put away favorite outfits that I could no longer pretend I fit into...you get the idea.  Life was great except for all that!  Lol  Somehow I kept trying "1 more time."  And guys, I think I've finally found a program/coach/team that I can not only stick with, but I am learning life lessons from and learning to change my way of thinking.  I'm learning little by little that I am stronger in body and MIND than I realized.  It's only been 4 weeks with my new coach but I am still so very motivated and optimistic!  Quitting is not even a thought in my head and I have had less 'cheats' and 'oops' than ever!  I'm working out 6 days a week and feeling so freakin' good for it!!  Even though I haven't quite seen the change on the outside yet, the changes that are taking place on the inside are many and even more important!  I'm down 10 lbs for the month of April alone and can't wait to see what May brings! Today I took a ton of "before" pics and it suuuucked.  I can't believe it has gotten so out of hand BUT I know I will be so glad I have these pics in a few months when the changes really start to show!  I'll post them here for sure! :)  I'm definitely going to be posting more here on my blog because I don't want to blow up everyones facebook feed!  Hopefully someone out there is reading, but even if you aren't....this is a great way for me to journal the details of my journey!  Happy May, guys! 


I don't really have a current body pic (besides this mornings and I'm not ready to share aaaaaalll of that lol)  but here I am working out with Micheal a couple weeks ago....ugh....my truth....

XOXO,

a

I'm Superwoman.

 

 

 

If you don't know, now you know!  I am Superwoman! Yesterday was day 5 of the Advocare 24 day challenge for me.  It's definitely been a 'challenge!' I miss being able to eat whatever I want!  Last night my husband had a business dinner that we had to go to at a very nice Italian restaurant in downtown Nashville.  And guess what!  The menu was predetermined!! I was SO excited to have a grownup night out and go to that delicious restaurant and then it hit me- I can't eat that food.  The excitement turned instantly to dread.  I didn't want to turn down that food and I sure didn't want to be 'that' fat girl that won't eat!  I just decided to go and ask for a large salad and pay for it separately if need be.  Well, let's just say by the time I walked out of there, I was shocked. 
Let me back up.  Maggiano's is served family style, meaning all of the humongous platters are passed around the table to everyone.  Well, so much for not getting near it or sniffing it!  I'm talking over sized platters of stuffed manicotti, beef medallions soaked in some kind of creamy heaven, spaghetti and meatballs, chicken stuffed with mozzarella and spinach, mashed potatos, bread, fried ravioli, and bruschetta to name a few!  Of course the wine was flowing.  Then came dessert, again family style.  Strawberry cheesecake and tiramisu with (gasp!) coffee!!  Everything all you can eat. THEN when we went to leave, the servers brought out tray upon tray of to go wrapped servings of all of the above PLUS chicken parm and chicken rigatoni! Even the desserts!   Insanity!! It was a Gods honest free for all and for this girl on Day 5 of the cleanse...hell.  Pure, delicious smelling hell.  So what did I do, you wonder?  Well, to put it bluntly, I kicked ass.  There were a few healthy ( and way less delicious looking and smelling) offerings on the menu, thank GOD!  I ate Apple walnut salad (legal), basil tomato grilled chicken (legal), grilled asparagus (so disgusting but legal!), and grilled veggies (legal) with water with a slice of lemon.  That. Is. All.  Oh, I had about 3 olives.  It was so hard.  The poor guy beside me was so uncomfortable!  I kept passing over all the yummy food to him and he was like, "You don't want any of that? ....Oh, none of that either?"  Lol  I finally just caved and said, "I'm not some kind of weird non-eater!  I'm on a 24 day challenge at my gym." He seemed cool after that and then a bunch of us started talking about it and it was a lot less awkward!  But when that cheesecake was on its way, I quietly said to my husband, "I'm battling.  I'm battling right now."  That's what I say when I'm arguing with myself over food in my head:  *Just one bite!  No!  What will it hurt?* ect.  He was so awesome.  He wouldn't touch the coffee (one of my most missed friends!) and he said he wasn't having dessert.  He told me to stop battling, I'm not going to have 1 bite.  I can do it!  And so I didn't.  I told him to dig into that tiramisu, that I was fine and so he finally did.   I was not fine.  I felt like (I can only assume after thousands of episodes of Law & Order) a crackhead in a crackhouse!
I know this is extremely detailed and long winded and to most people sounds so crazy but when I walked out of there, I was shocked.  I couldn't believe I actually did it.  I couldn't believe I didn't take ONE bite!  And I couldn't believe it was as hard as it was.  I wish it wasn't.  It sounds so simple.  Just food.  Don't eat it.  But in the moment.....man, in the moment it is a battle!!  And I won a huge battle last night!  I know that if I can conquer Maggiano's, I can totally do this challenge and continue to kick ass!  And I know if I can-  ANYONE can, because I am weak.  I am the weakest Superwoman ever but a Superwoman nonetheless!  :)


Ps.
Here we are all snazzied up, before we went in! :) 

XOXO,

a


3 years and counting....

 

I have this cool new app called Timehop and everyday it shows me what my facebook status or instagram was on this very day in history.  So today it just happened to tell me that I started Zumba 3 years ago today!!  That is a huge milestone for me!  Zumba is what really got me going on my weight loss journey and really and truly changed my life.  It was literally the day that I switched from being 100% couch potato to ....well, an exerciser!  Lol  After doing Zumba for awhile and losing some weight, I added in some personal trainer sessions.  I didn't really care for her, but a few months later I found myself signed up at Golds Gym and starting their functional fitness class which is CrossFit (they just don't own the name).  Hardcore stuff!  These days I aim for 3 days of CrossFit and 3 days of Zumba per week.  Every so often, as I'm making my protein shake or putting on my workout clothes, I just think, who are you?!?!?  One of my friends says that I'm one of 'those' people now.  You know, the ones that work out all the time and are super fit!  Lol  Well, I'm NOT super fit and I have SO SO far to go on this journey but I kinda am one of those worker outers.  When I walk into the gym, my 4 yr old walks into the childcare and they sign him in without me even going in, I just wave through the glass....I go THAT much.  Who am I?!?! 
I'll tell you who I am, someone that couldn't stand looking in the mirror and being disgusted by herself for one more day without even trying to do anything about it.  I'm someone that took a class 3 years ago just in the off chance I might survive one hour with the skinny girls.  I'm someone that is still very much on an ever changing, evolving, some times frustrating but NEVER ending journey to be a better me. It may not be perfect but I'm never quitting.  I just can't put into words how thankful I am that I walked into that class 3 years ago today.  I can't imagine where I would be if I didn't. This is one of the pictures from the month I started Zumba: 

March 2011
 

                                             

 

I've shown it on my blog before but ugh, it's so bad. And here's one of my favorite more recent photos:

August 2013

                                                  

In full disclosure I think this is from the end of August and I may be a couple lbs heavier now (thank you holidays!!) but not much. 

I have some really exciting things coming up to help me jump start the next phase of this crazy fitness journey!  I'm so ready to gain some traction again and see some new improvements.  I've been stuck at this current weight so long that when I look in the mirror these days......well, I see more of the top photo than the bottom.  But it's all good, good things are acomin' and I'll be sharing with you all soon! :D

XOXO
a

I don't have time to work out.

I just don't.
You know how so many people say they don't have time to work out?  Or they're too tired by the time they do have a minute?  It's true.  It takes tremendous effort for the average person (i.e. me) to get to the gym 4-5 days a week!  Sure, there are days where all the stars align and it's easy, but the majority of the time, it's really hard!  I try to schedule M-W-F: CrossFit and Tu-Th-Sat: Zumba.  It works on paper! But then real life and my J-O-B kick in and all hell breaks loose!  See, Tues and Thurs my son has to be dropped off at preK at the same time CrossFit starts so those days CrossFit is out but they work perfect for Zumba at night, BUT weeks like these, my daughter has to cheer  Mon, Tues AND Thurs at basketball games. So, here I am.  What to do, what to do....well, there's the obvious (for some) and easy choice: No Zumba this week!  No big deal!  There's always next week- but wait, she cheers next week too.  Well, next week is her official last week of cheer so that's good!  But wait there's more!! (<---in my infomercial voice) There will probably be some type of tournament after that.  Then before we know it we are headed into Softball and Teeball for the siblings.  It. Doesn't. End.

I'm not going on and on about my schedule in hopes of someone offering to come super nanny and chauffeur my kids for free!  I don't want to lose my job!  That's why I make the big bucks! And by 'big bucks' I mean kisses and beautiful coloring pages saying "I love you mom" to go on my fridge.  I say all this to show, it really is hard to fit in a consistent exercise routine, even for the (gasp) stay at home mom.  Now, I am left with a decision to miss juuuuust one game of my daughter cheering this week (out of SIX!) and feel the pang of mommy guilt (what will all the other mommies think?!?  will my daughter be scarred for life???)  or to be selfish. Yes, selfish.  Take this one hour away from everyone else and go to Zumba.  Not because I will die if I miss this one class but because it will always be something.  I have to learn to make. It. Work.  Fit it in.  Go above and beyond and juggle the schedule until I can squeeze in 1 hour for me a day to get healthier.  I have to hope my kids and husband (and maybe the other moms?  No.  They think I suck.) will understand that I'm doing this for all of us!  I have to believe that it's sending a good positive message to my kids that being fit and getting daily exercise has to have a place in our daily activities. 

There are days when my schedule allows me to go but I am exhausted  ....I still try to push myself to go.  It's easy to go to the gym when everything lines up, your schedule is clear, you've had just the right amount of caffeine and you're feeling on top of the world!  I'm learning the difference in those that make true progress and those that don't are the ones that really push themselves to go when every bone in their body is yelling nooooo!  Go sit down and relax!!! You've earned it! I'm learning that the difference in those that make true progress and those that don't are the ones that find a way to get there, day after day, after day!  I always thought that people that went to the gym were 'gym people.'  Obviously not 'normal' people like me!  But I'm starting to realize, those are just everyday people that know that you have to make some sacrifices and get there.  They did that and now they look like 'gym people.' 

*sigh*  I'm rambling.  I guess my point is, it really is true when people say they don't have the time to exercise.  They just have to make it.   Tonight, I'm making the time. **pang**

XOXO,
a

525,600 minutes

I kicked off my "Back to working out like I mean it" yesterday morning by getting up early and going to CrossFit and was pretty happy with myself.  Then last night I really felt like a hardcore fitness chick when I bundled up and headed to Zumba when it was snowing, no, make that BLIZZARDING, ok...hard flurrying, and 20 degrees!  (I know, I know, it doesn't take much to make me think I'm hardcore, does it!!?? :D  )

I had a great workout, burned tons of calories and had even more fun doing it!  Before I knew it, it was the last song.  The 'cool down' song.  Last night my instructor played (in honor of the New Year of course!) the '525, 600 minutes' song from Rent.  It's so good!  Do you know it???

"525,600 minutes,
525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure,
measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee?
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife?
In 525,600 minutes - how do you
measure a year in the life?
How about love?"
Seriously if you haven't ever heard it, stop reading this and watch it above!!!
Anyway, as we were stretching and breathing and plie-ing, this is how my thought process went:
~Oh!  I love this song!  Woop woop!
*and plié*
~525,600 minutes.....we just finished another year....she played this on purpose....so clever!
*and stretch to the right*
~A year, 525,600 minutes gone and I am not down one pound on the scale.
*and arm behind my head*
~I have wasted this whole year!!!!!  OMG!!! I SUCK!!  *getting teary now*
*and reach for my toes*
~How did this happen?  *they're mocking me now!!* "525,600 minutes!!!!!!" and what have I done with it??!?!?
*and shoulder roll*
~Another year GONE on my journey to a healthier/skinnier/better me. UGH!!!!
*and reeeeeach*
~ The Flipagram!!! (read: fancy schmancy techno-slideshow I made this week of my family and every thing we did in 2013.)
*and flat back* *flashes of my babies laughing, flipping on the beach, posing in Disney world, joining new teams, boating,  making new memories*
~That Flipagram was flipping awesome!! We did some very cool stuff over the last 525,600 minutes!!  To say I wasted the year is crazy and simple minded really!!
*and grab ankles*
~2013 was awesome.  I didn't reach my fitness goals but I didn't go back to all of my old habits.  I didn't gain it all back!  I'm a CrossFitter for Gods sake!!!
*and roll up*
~I DID get stronger in 2013 and 2014 is going to be even better!!  For real.
*and plié*

 

~Ahhhh, I love this song.

And? And that was how I ended my first day of working out during my brand spanking new set of 525,600 minutes.  Positive.  Happy.  Proud.  Determined.



The afore mentioned Flipagram for your viewing pleasure! :p

Still on vaca....

So I'm still on vacation! Have been for about 12 days now and I have been EEEEEAAATING like its my j-o-b! But I actually just popped in to tell you this-

Happiness is:
Wearing the One Size Fits 'All' robe in your hotel room!!'

I can't wait to get home and fill you on all the fun details of our trip!

Well, that's done.

Monday.  Usually such a yucky day.  Back to the grind, as they say.  Well, THIS Monday just happens to be fantabulorriffic!!!  I weigh in this coming Thurs to see if I have lost my final pound to reach my goal of being under 200 before Disney World.  Well, this morning I did a little sneak peek on the scale like I so often do and...that's done. 

199.5lbs

There it is.  Such an odd feeling.  I thought I would be all dramatic and collapse on the floor in tears in a moment of complete and utter overwhelming relief and accomplishment.  But that's not how it happened.  I know....sorry.  Lol  It was more like I (gently as always) stepped onto the scale and closed my eyes tight. When I opened them, the number was there, just like I've been dreaming about for years.  I just held my hand over my mouth and stared....and stared....until it disappeared.  I stared at the blank screen for a minute trying to decide what to do.  I wanted to stand on it again and make the number come back!  But I was scared it would change it's mind so I got dressed and went to drink my coffee.  I have been quite distracted by the thought of it all day though.  But yeah.  That's pretty much it.  Now, I keep on eating healthy until I leave on Thurs.  After that, I'm on a 2 week break.  My goal is to not gain a crap load back but I just can NOT diet on vacation!  I'm just hoping that with my learned  knowledge of portion control, I will eat what I want but not gorge myself.  Fingers crossed!!  Wonder what I'll weigh on Thurs???  197 perhaps?!?!?  OMG!  So excited to get back home and start this new chapter in my weight loss!  Woop!  Woop!! 

I wish I had more time to post a ton of pics on here today but my to do list for Dis is looooong.  But here is the one I made this morning:

The craziest thing is I know there is a 70 lb difference there but I stare at it and wonder if I'm tricking the camera.  Like do I look different because I'm standing at an angle or because my feet are a little bit farther apart in the right one.  It's weird....I need to put on that exact outfit on the left...If I can find those pants I may do just that!  Have a great week, imaginary people! :P

Muah,
a